The Happy Sensitive Person (with Caroline van Kimmenade)

How can we shift from feeling negatively sensitive to “happy sensitive” in a world that sometimes paints sensitivity as a weakness? This is the question I explored with Caroline van Kimmenade, founder of The Happy Sensitive, back in 2015. Caroline believes sensitivity doesn’t mean living a life weighed down by emotions and sensory overwhelm. Instead, when understood and partnered with, sensitivity can be a path to joy, creativity, and playfulness.

In our conversation, Caroline shared her approach to helping sensitive people embrace compassionate joy, establish healthy boundaries, and find fulfilling work without burning out.

Embracing “Compassionate Joy” in a Sensitive World

For many, sensitivity can feel burdensome, leading to burnout and exhaustion. Caroline advocates for an approach she calls “compassionate joy”—a mindset that balances empathy and boundaries. She explains that compassionate joy allows people to stay connected to others’ emotions without internalising them, which is key to avoiding overwhelm.

Caroline suggests that laughter and humour can be crucial for maintaining this balance. “Humor lightens the mood and allows us to process difficult situations without becoming bogged down by them,” she shares. Using humour, sensitive people can learn to take themselves less seriously and gain perspective on challenging situations.

Knowing the Work You Love and the People You Want to Help

A core theme of Caroline’s philosophy is identifying the work you love and the people you feel called to help. She suggests knowing who you work best with and what problems you like solving can help avoid burnout. Caroline explains that The Happy Sensitive isn’t about fitting into conventional job roles but creating a life honouring your unique passions and boundaries.

She encourages sensitive people to avoid tasks simply because they “should” or feel they have to prove something. “Confusing positive challenges with burdens is an easy way to exhaust yourself,” Caroline warns. Instead, by focusing on the work that truly resonates, sensitive people can find purpose and avoid the empathic burnout that can result from over-commitment.

The Relationship Between Passion and Trust

Caroline emphasises the importance of trusting one’s natural interests and passions. “When you genuinely love what you’re doing, others will benefit from it, too,” she says. This philosophy is exemplified in her work with The Happy Sensitive, where she helps people acknoweldge the positive elements of their sensitivity so they can manage the downsides more meaningfully.

She also points out that finding joy in work builds a sense of trust. For example, just as you would trust a dentist who loves their job, people sense when you’re passionate about what you do. When you work in a way that’s authentic to you, it not only brings fulfilment but also builds credibility and trust with those you serve.

How to Clear Out the Noise and Find Clarity

For many highly sensitive people, the world can feel overwhelming with endless to-do lists and constant demands. Caroline suggests regularly “clearing out the noise” by setting aside time to check in with oneself. She advises creating space in your schedule for tasks, rest, downtime, and reflection.

She notes that many sensitive people make the mistake of projecting an idealised future self, believing they’ll have boundless energy later to take on a long list of commitments. Instead, Caroline recommends looking at your past self as a more realistic guide for what you can handle. By planning for incremental change and permitting yourself to do less, you can avoid the trap of setting unrealistic expectations that lead to overwhelm.

Rewriting the Stories You Tell Yourself

Caroline often works with people who believe they must change themselves to be accepted. Many sensitive individuals carry “mythologies” about themselves—stories of unworthiness or inadequacy that they may not even be aware of. In her coaching, she helps clients rewrite these narratives, encouraging them to align with their true selves instead of attempting to fit others’ expectations.

Caroline’s approach includes seeing emotions as signals rather than obstacles. “Your feelings and physical responses are signals that guide you,” she explains. Rather than trying to suppress these emotions, learning to interpret them can lead to a healthier relationship with oneself and clarify what truly matters.

Embracing Creativity and Expressing Your Sensitivity

Many highly sensitive people are natural creatives, yet they often feel blocked or inhibited. Caroline urges sensitive individuals to embrace creative outlets to process the vast amount of information they absorb daily. She believes creative practice doesn’t have to be formal or goal-oriented; it can be as simple as doodling, painting, or journaling.

One key to preventing creative block, Caroline suggests, is letting go of the pressure to be “good” at your creative pursuits. Instead, focus on the process and enjoyment of creating. She encourages clients to tap into activities they loved as children, often sources of unfiltered, joyful expression. However, for some highly sensitive people, childhood sits beneath a cloud of caring and over-responsibility for the well-being of the people around them. In this case, child-like play can be created anew at any time. It might be that some HSPs get to be playfully creative for the first time later in life.

Watch the Conversation

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