Blog Archives - The Haven

02 Aug 2018

Cope With Anticipatory Grief in Everyday Life as an HSP

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Anticipatory Grief is the feeling of loss for something or someone that is still there. It’s a phenomenon most often experienced in anticipation of the impending death of a loved one. However, it can be experienced in all sorts of ways and about all manner of things. Even pets and holidays!

Until 2012 I listened to Kermode and Mayo‘s film review podcast every week without fail. I was definitely a keen and dedicated member of the Church of Wittertainment. But one day I stepped away from it and haven’t really listened since.

Why? Did they say something offensive or slag off one of my favourite films?

Well, not exactly. Quite the opposite in fact. A huge wave of anticipatory grief had swept over me and I couldn’t stand the thought that one day it would end. That’s right, I stopped listening to my favourite podcast because I anticipated the horrible thought that, low and behold, it would finish. Someday…it’s six years later and the podcast is still going.

This is a bit of a trivial example of anticipatory grief, but it goes to show the impact it can have on us!

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06 Jul 2018

Don’t Confuse Getting Better at Stuff With Being a Better Person

Whether aware of it or not, we often equate being good at stuff with being good people. A person’s value or worth can be linked to what they do rather than who they are in their character. This can lead us down strange paths where we seek to get better at the wrong things.

The popular kids at school were often the ones who were good at stuff, especially things like sport. There was always a sense that if you wanted to matter as a person and have value in the eyes of others, then you need to prove yourself with your talents. So kids would throw themselves into this approval-seeking activity, improving their skills, and trying to be better than everyone else. Within this cultural landscape we were taught that if we want to be considered worthy then we needed to do impressive things.

But this doesn’t ring true to what we know deep down. And as we grow up we may grow out of this mindset. But culture doesn’t.

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01 Jun 2018

8 DIY Ways for HSPs to Improve Their Emotional Regulation

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There are four key aspects of sensory processing sensitivity. Elaine Aron uses the acronym DOES to highlight them:

Depth of Processing: the tendency to process information more deeply

Overstimulation: they are drained sooner than other people when there is lots happening

Emotional Reactivity/Empathy: more reactive to positive and negative experiences and responsive to the emotions of other people

Sensing Subtleties: notice little details that other people might overlook or miss

I don’t talk about Emotional Reactivity much, but it’s been on mind of late. Elaine Aron suggests that HSPs are “more motivated to think about things by our stronger feelings of curiosity, fear, joy, anger, or whatever. But this intensity can be overwhelming, especially when we have negative feelings. That’s why we need to learn emotional regulation skills.”

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11 May 2018

The 3 Areas of Training For Sensitive Stoics in Pursuit of The Good Life

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Training is a vital part of any successful endeavour. Whether it’s a craft, a trade, or a sport, without training you won’t develop the necessary skills to become the best you can be.

The same is true of life. Every day you spend on the planet is time spent training to become what you are becoming. The question is, do you know what you’re training for?

An olympic swimmer must focus on specific areas if they want to succeed. This helps them become the strongest and fastest version of who they can possibly be. Likewise, we can intentionally focus on particular areas of training in order to reflect more of how we want our lives to look. The question for us to consider is, what are we training for?

If we don’t know our answer then our training takes us in directions we don’t necessarily want to go.

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20 Apr 2018

Why It’s Worth Spending Time Enjoying Nature…Your Own

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If you’ve ever read anything on the subject of self-care as an introvert or sensitive type personality, then you’ve probably see the advice to get yourself around nature. Spend time in the natural world, surrounded by the beauty of water, trees, and animals. Away from the chaos, connecting to the natural rhythms where the human chaos, stress, and busyness are making demands of you.

There is true restorative power in feeling at one with the rawness of nature. Being forced to slow down and unplug. For the past few years we’ve gone on a yearly camping trip in the hills of North Wales. It’s a place with no mobile phone reception. This is both terrifying and soothing in equal measure.

I find the benefits of unplugging, even just for two or three days, are huge for me. It forces me to stop, to listen, to experience the immediacy and pureness of the present moment. And I finish feeling fully restored and charged by some deep groundswell of energy.

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