Anxiety, Custard, and the Meaning of Life (with Neil Hughes)

Many know anxiety well, navigating the ups and downs with our inner critic always close by. Author and comedian Neil Hughes shares this path, using humour and deep reflection to explore the art of managing anxiety and embracing self-compassion.

In this conversation from late 2015, Neil and I discussed his journey, the inspiration behind his book Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life.

Embracing Change and Authenticity

Neil’s life has been far from linear. He was a travelling evangelist before realising that the role didn’t align with his beliefs. Later, he turned to computer programming, a seemingly natural fit. But it didn’t satisfy his desire for creativity and personal connection. In time, he shifted to freelance writing and stand-up comedy, seeking to understand life and his inner world, particularly his struggles with anxiety.

As Neil describes, the “sea of custard” metaphor for anxiety resonated with him. Like walking on custard—a material that behaves like a solid only when struck with force—managing anxiety can feel like an ongoing effort to stay afloat. If you stop moving, you risk sinking into it. Neil invites readers to explore these ideas through his book, sharing his techniques for “finding solid ground” and peace amid life’s relentless pressure.

Taming the Inner Critic: Turning Self-Doubt into a Companion

Learning to recognise his inner critic was a turning point for Neil. Many of us carry this voice inside, but Neil found it helpful to view it as just one part of his personality rather than letting it define him. Neil dealt with his self-doubt by highlighting this critical voice and incorporating it into his writing, and modelled a method for others to follow.

His advice? Observe the critic rather than letting it take charge. With time, Neil discovered the power of noticing and gently letting this inner voice be. This approach has helped him turn his inner critic from a constant detractor into a sometimes helpful voice that motivates him to grow and improve.

Personal vs. Universal Meaning: Defining Purpose on Your Terms

A key takeaway from Neil’s philosophy is the distinction between personal and universal meaning. Personal meaning matters to us individually—moments with family, meaningful work, or watching a sunset. Universal meaning, however, is the big, existential question: why are we here? Neil suggests focusing on personal meaning as a practical approach to satisfaction and peace, even if we can’t answer life’s biggest questions.

Separating these two ideas means we don’t have to wait for universal answers to find fulfilment. Personal meaning allows us to build worthwhile lives, one meaningful moment at a time.

The Art of Self-Compassion: Singing a Love Song to Yourself

In a particularly poignant moment, Neil shared a story about singing a love song to himself during one of his darkest times. While it felt awkward and even a bit silly, it became a powerful exercise in self-compassion. Neil realised that embracing self-care often requires stepping outside our comfort zones and doing things that seem absurd but ultimately help us feel whole.

Neil’s takeaway? Practice self-love for your benefit without the need for external validation. Doing so can cultivate a kindness toward ourselves that can be incredibly healing.

Responsibility and Empowerment: The Power of Choice in Life’s Challenges

Finally, Neil emphasises the importance of taking responsibility for what is within our control while also knowing when to let go. Often, we feel overwhelmed because we try to fix everyone else’s problems or carry burdens that aren’t ours. Neil reminds us of the Polish saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys,” to illustrate the importance of setting boundaries and focusing on our own lives.

Neil believes acknowledging our responsibility for our responses gives us power over our lives. Rather than being at the mercy of life’s events, we can choose our emotional reactions and take ownership of our actions. This approach, he notes, is empowering and essential for a balanced life.

Moving Forward with Humor, Responsibility, and Meaning

Neil Hughes’ story reminds us that managing anxiety, embracing our imperfections, and finding meaning in the every day can transform our lives. His journey shows that a healthy mix of humour, honesty, and self-compassion can help us navigate the custard-like landscape of anxiety and uncertainty. In his words, we are all a “work in progress. ” There’s beauty in learning to laugh and grow along the way.

Get Neil’s book, Walking on Custard here.

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