Trading Perfectionism For Possibility (with Caroline Garnet-McGraw)
I sat down with Caroline McGraw, creator of A Wish Come Clear, where she guides people in trading perfectionism for possibility. I first came across Caroline in 2017 when she invited me to participate in The Confidence Course, a series featuring insights from over 30 guests on the theme of confidence.
One question I had for her was how she managed such a large project without burning out—and she shared some invaluable advice.
The Myth of Perfectionism
Caroline has delivered two TEDx talks on perfectionism, a trait she understands deeply. She recognises that perfectionism doesn’t define a person, even though it can feel all-consuming. Many highly sensitive people and introverts struggle with perfectionism, carrying the exhausting belief that they must do everything flawlessly. But as Caroline points out, this is an internal demand—one that can never truly be satisfied.
Elizabeth Gilbert once described perfectionism as “fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more than a deep existential angst that says, again and again, ‘I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.'”
Similarly, Anne Lamott likens perfectionism to the belief that if you step through life exactly right, you can avoid suffering—or even death. Of course, this is impossible. The call to become a recovering perfectionist is an invitation to acknowledge that imperfection is inevitable, no matter how carefully we tread.
The Only Real Choice
In truth, there is no choice when it comes to perfectionism. Perfect is unattainable, so the real decision is whether to accept imperfection and find freedom in it—or to exhaust yourself chasing something that doesn’t exist.
But there’s another cost to perfectionism: it shuts out the messy, beautiful unpredictability of life.
The Beauty of Flaws
Richard Rohr writes about Navajo rugs, which are intentionally woven with a small imperfection in one corner. This flaw is said to be where “the Spirit moves in and out of the rug.” Rohr explains: “Perfection is not the elimination of imperfection. (That’s just delusion and an attempt to control the uncontrollable.) True perfection is the ability to incorporate imperfection! There’s no other way to live: You either incorporate imperfection, or you fall into denial. That’s how the Spirit moves in or out of our lives.”
What if, by resisting mistakes, we’re actually blocking the very breakthroughs we seek? What if those so-called wrong turns are guiding us toward something unexpected and meaningful? When we release the need for control, we open ourselves to mystery, creativity, and deeper connection.
The Trap of Going It Alone
Perfectionism often convinces us we must do everything ourselves. A key part of recovery is learning to ask for—and accept—help. A perfectionist might berate themselves for not having everything figured out. A recovering perfectionist acknowledges their limits and seeks support.
The first step is admitting you don’t have to do it all alone. The second is finding the right guidance.
Temperament and Self-Acceptance
When we stop fighting against our natural tendencies—whether that’s needing more quiet time, processing deeply, or moving at a slower pace—we free up energy for what truly matters. Self-acceptance means making practical decisions based on who we are, not who we think we should be.
In this conversation, Caroline and I explore what this looks like in everyday life—how to embrace imperfection, seek support, and make space for the unexpected.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by the need to get everything just right, this discussion might offer a fresh perspective. You can listen to the full episode [here].
What’s one small way you can allow imperfection into your life today?
