Change, Overplanning, and Getting Stuck

Other Platforms Apple Podcasts | Spotify | RSS | More Destinations

Have you ever experienced the joy of unblocking a drain?

I know, I know. But if you know, you know…it’s satisfying! Not least because a blocked drain is the opposite of satisfying.

We’re not going to focus on blocked drains in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, don’t worry. It’s just a metaphor for what happens sometimes in life, when things that feel like they’re supposed to be free-flowing get stuck, festering in a stagnant pool of unwanted water.

Sometimes something gets stuck because stuff around it jams it. Sometimes we might even put that stuff there ourselves, not realising it doesn’t really fit…or help.

I’ve often added so much around the edges of a meaningful endeavour or important project that it eventually comes to a grinding halt because it becomes so overly complicated.

I love planning. Sometimes a bit too much.

I love planning. I love making systems and creating templates.

When I was at school, I liked making revision timetables so much that I ran out of time to actually revise because I was too busy planning.

I love dreaming up everything that could happen. Those dreams can get derailed under the weight of their plans.

This year I’ve been experimenting with paring back parts of life that have become over-complex, and making space for my tendency to add complexity when I notice that temptation arises.

I’ve also been trying to create breathing room to simplify after complexity has occurred, before committing it to anything concrete or permanent.

Because I’ve also noticed that sometimes complexity is actually a necessary part of the process.

Shutting it down as soon as it starts might mean pulling the plug on something that could be important later. So I don’t want to do that.

The key is recognising that complexity might simply be part of what is going on under the soil for a while, rather than something that means I ought to rewrite every page on my website, add new channels and announce my commitment to a bunch of things that are both impossible and undesirable to maintain once I eventually strip back to the simple heart of things at the right moment.

I stopped overcomplicating change

I’ve been to Finland twice this year. The first trip involved gout threat, a painful shoulder injury caused by reaching for a seatbelt, and a realisation when I got home that something needed to change.

I’d been trying to improve my health and fitness for years. But this time I decided to keep things small and simple rather than following an elaborate plan.

Things Change But Not Necessarily On Our Timetable

You may be familiar with the idea behind Gates’s law:

We overestimate what can happen in the short term and underestimate what can happen in the long term.

Over the past five months, I’ve seen a lot of progress with my weight and fitness. In large part because I’ve kept it small and simple, resisting the urge to overcomplicate things, make elaborate plans and build complicated systems and processes.

Something just sort of clicked in April. Along with a meaningful motivation, it’s the fact that I haven’t got in my own way by demanding too much, too fast.

The Pressure We Put on Quick Fixes

When I’m motivated to change and thinking about it a lot, I want it now. The more urgently I want change to happen, the more likely I am to overengineer the process.

And that’s what drives me to make elaborate plans to get as much done in as little time as possible.

Not only does this risk burning the desire out, but it can also divert important resources from other parts of life, leading to a compounding negative effect.

Simplicity can be a strategy for change

So how do we stop ourselves from adding complexity to systems that just need time to blossom?

The big secret?

I guess it’s about being patient.

Oh wow. How boring.

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

It’s also about avoiding overplanning and making everything elaborately complex.

Oh, but I really like making detailed plans and timetables.

I know! Sorry. We’re going to need to find other ways to scratch that itch, because I’ll concede it is a fun one to go at.

Environmental Sensitivity and The Impact of Small Things

For highly sensitive people, this might matter even more.

Research into differential susceptibility shows that people with sensory processing sensitivity can be more strongly affected by their surroundings, both positively and negatively.

When we add layers of complexity around our goals, we can create cognitive chaos: a foggy mess of stimulation that eventually leads us to check out and pull the plug on the goal altogether.

On the other hand, a few simple habits and environmental cues can have a surprisingly positive effect.

This doesn’t mean that highly sensitive people need empty lives. Complexity is sometimes unavoidable, and sometimes valuable. It means that unnecessary complexity can have a disproportionately large effect when we’re already processing a lot.

If you’re struggling to let something flow without blocking the drain with too much planning and complexity, you might try…

1. Protecting your energy more than your schedule

For me, planning has often meant time-blocking activities on the calendar and assuming I can switch gears and get things done during an allotted window.

I’ve done this many, many times, even though I know it’s not how I function best. It always feels like a nice ideal.

But patience is a resource that requires energy.

If you overcomplicate your process with rigid trackers, strict rules and unnecessary concrete time commitments, you drain your mental battery.

Simplicity can be a strategic choice because it preserves the energy patience requires.

Identifying one or two actions you’re committed to doing without tying them to a specific timetable means you can match your available energy to the action. And it takes the pressure off doing it every day.

Right now, I generally like running three times a week: Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday are my placeholder days. But this is subject to change. One is enough to move me in the direction I want. I won’t go more than three times in a week.

I’ve figured out what works best for me.

I don’t think it would be quite so good if I said, “Right, I’m getting up at 5:30 every morning to work out.”

I would resist that kind of injunction, and would have given up months ago. If it feels like a rule, it is there to be broken.

2. Watering the seed rather than digging it up

When we don’t see results in a week or two, our instinct might be to change the plan.

We might tweak the dial, add something new, buy a different running programme or rewrite the habit tracker. Every time we do this, we interrupt the consistency that allows small changes to accumulate.

Patience is about trusting the process of consistency. It’s about getting those basic, ridiculously small and simple habits in place and then keeping the proverbial seed watered.

For a while, we don’t see the fruits of that seed. It’s just trusting that it is growing beneath the soil.

If measuring things motivates you, find alternative measures in the short run.

Notice how something feels. Notice what else might be changing as you go. Tick off each time you do something that contributes to the broader goal.

In other words, track the thing that helps you water the seed, rather than trying to track the progress of the seed itself when you can’t yet see what’s happening underneath the soil.

3. Keeping a mirror for your progress

I’ve heard people talk about “arrival amnesia”. Along with underestimating what can change over the long term, we often underestimate what has already changed.

I definitely forget how far I’ve come and how quickly I can adapt to new normals.

This is one reason I find journaling so useful. Looking back at old entries can show me the difference between what was going on then and what is happening now.

It highlights the things I can’t imagine not having today, but that grew so gradually over time that I almost took them for granted. And how some things change simply because I get out of the way and let them change, one day at a time.

We don’t always need a plan, a system, or a process. We just need to identify the small, simple thing that makes a difference. And keep doing that whenever we can and as often as we’ve decided works best.