Stop Letting Their Judgement Become Your Story

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Have you ever felt judged by standards that simply don’t fit who you are?

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel, we explore Aesop’s fable of the “useless tree” and unpack why introverted and highly sensitive people internalise criticism from those who don’t understand what they bring to the table.

The fable describes two travellers who find a plane tree in the midday sun. They take refuge beneath its branches but complain that it’s useless because it produces no edible fruit or nuts.

In another version, the tree is an oak. When the rain arrives, they stay dry beneath its leaves. It gets cold, and they make a fire from its broken branches. They get tired and use the leaves to make a bed.

The moral is usually told from the travellers’ perspective: don’t overlook the unexpected gifts you might take for granted.

But it was interesting to look at the story from the tree’s perspective. And how it feels to overhear the judgement from the people it has sheltered. What story does it tell itself about itself as a result?

It is providing exactly what the travellers need. Yet they judge it according to something it doesn’t, and can’t, provide.

And what happens when the tree overhears itself described as useless?

When We Overhear the Judgement

Have you ever tried to change something about yourself because of a judgement you heard from someone else?

Maybe it was directed at you. Maybe it was directed at someone else, but it punched you in the gut when you overheard it because it felt familiar.

Many of us get measured against standards that don’t make sense for us. We might know that intellectually, but it doesn’t take much for the message to seep in and get under our skin, especially if it’s repeated enough times.

Maybe it’s the story that you need to be more outgoing, toughen up, or stop caring what other people think.

We might start looking for ways to turn ourselves into the proverbial apple tree. Or we might shrink back into the shadows and try to avoid drawing attention to ourselves.

The judgement doesn’t have to be true to have an impact. It just has to be believed.

The Story I Absorbed

Like many introverted and highly sensitive people, I grew up absorbing a story about my behaviour going against the grain of what I should be doing.

I wasn’t disruptive and loud. Quite the opposite. I often saw “speak up more” and “put yourself forward” on school reports.

This even became a target: “Put your hand up once in every lesson to volunteer an answer.”

Was that what I needed?

Did it help me connect with the subject and learn better?

No. It had the opposite effect.

Interestingly, a few teachers never made me feel bad for being quiet. In those classes, I felt much more confident speaking up…if and when I had something to say.

The safety to stay quiet made it comfortable to speak up.

What Story Does the Judgement Plant?

There’s a big difference between changing yourself and changing yourself.

We are presented with moulds to fit ourselves into, with the assumption that to belong we have to change who we are.

But there’s a difference between changing because you’ve decided something matters to you, and changing because you’ve overheard someone saying there’s something wrong with the way you are.

An oak tree grows. It loses branches, extends its roots, and takes shape in response to the weather. But it changes as it is. It doesn’t become an apple tree (it can’t).

There’s something liberating about knowing that. Because the judgements we overhear can sting, but they can also become stories about who we think we’re supposed to be.

What could change when you stop trying to be somewhere other than where you are?