Why “Fake It Till You Make It” Might Not Work for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
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“Just fake it till you make it, and eventually, you’ll fit in and feel like you know what you’re doing.”
Sound familiar?
For many, “fake it till you make it” is the default advice for pushing through self-doubt or awkwardness. But if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this approach can leave you feeling drained, disconnected, and even more out of place.
The truth is, pretending to be someone you’re not takes a toll—especially when you’re wired to process emotions deeply. Let’s break down why “faking it” often backfires for HSPs, and what to do instead.
Why “Faking It” Doesn’t Sit Right with HSPs
Highly Sensitive People are hardwired to value authenticity. When you force yourself to act against your true feelings, your nervous system knows—and the mental gymnastics required can lead to exhaustion or even resentment.
Here’s why the classic “fake it” advice often falls flat:
1. It’s Exhausting to Keep Up the Act
Pretending to be confident, suppressing discomfort, or plastering on a smile when you’re struggling requires constant emotional labour. HSPs already absorb more from their environment, so layering on a performance drains energy fast.
2. Surface Acting vs. Deep Acting
Psychology distinguishes two ways people “act” in social situations:
- Surface Acting: Faking emotions (e.g., grinning when you’re anxious). This feels hollow and depleting.
- Deep Acting: Genuinely shifting your mindset (e.g., focusing on a positive memory to ease nerves).
HSPs tend to crave real connection, so surface acting leaves them feeling out of sync.
3. You’re Betting Against Your Own Nature
The promise of “fake it till you make it” is that one day, the act will feel natural. But HSPs are acutely aware of the gap between who they are and who they’re pretending to be—making it hard to stick with long-term.
A Better Approach: Work With Your Sensitivity
Instead of forcing yourself to fake confidence, try leveraging your HSP traits to your advantage:
✔ Name What You’re Feeling – Simply acknowledging “I’m out of my comfort zone” can reduce the pressure to perform.
✔ Draw on Your Strengths – Use your deep self-awareness to reflect on past successes, not as a script to follow, but as proof you can adapt.
✔ Stretch, Don’t Strain – Think of your personality like a rubber band: you can push your limits when needed, but snapping into a false version of yourself isn’t sustainable.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to “fake it” to grow. As an HSP, your real power lies in working with your sensitivity—not against it.
Have you tried “faking it till you make it”? Did it work for you, or leave you feeling worse? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
