Self-Belonging Is An Inside Job
October is the month of ‘Belonging’ in The Haven, and we’re kicking off with a conversation between Andy, Lindsay-Celeste, and Kendra. This discussion explores various aspects of self-belonging. We consider how feeling at home in ourselves establishes our relationship with the world around us.
Here are some key points from our discussion:
Belonging to Ourselves
We begin by recognising that true belonging starts within. If we don’t know what it means to belong to ourselves, finding a sense of belonging in the outside world is challenging. This involves self-acceptance and understanding our needs, preferences, and desires.
Threats to Self-Belonging
Throughout our conversation, we identify various threats to our sense of self-belonging. It’s essential to differentiate between what belongs with us—our values, interests, and relationships—and what does not.
Returning to Self-Belonging
When we feel disconnected, how do we return to a place of self-belonging? What if we’ve never felt it? It’s not too late!
A Spectrum
We discuss the differences between situations where we feel we should belong, where we want to belong, and where others don’t want us to belong. This spectrum highlights the complexities of belonging and the emotional toll it can take when our desires for connection clash with external perceptions and expectations.
Universal Unconditional Belonging
We explore the idea that we belong on Earth simply because we are here. This perspective of unconditional acceptance invites us to embrace existence as the ground of everything.
Self-Sorting in Communities
Our discussion touches on the natural tendency of communities to “self-sort” based on shared values and behaviours. When we are clear about our expectations and boundaries, we attract individuals who resonate with our vision, fostering a sense of belonging that feels authentic and supportive.
The Push-Pull of Belonging
The conversation reveals the push-pull tension between belonging somewhere and that place belonging to us. This tension can manifest in feelings of home and safety, highlighting how our relationships with spaces can significantly impact our sense of belonging.
Belonging in Unexpected Places
Interestingly, we observe that sometimes belonging feels easier in spaces where we don’t naturally fit. For many introverts and highly sensitive people (HSPs), the struggle to feel like we belong in places we’re “supposed” to be can be daunting. Embracing our unique perspectives allows us to redefine what belonging looks like for us.
Learning from the Dude in the Hotel Lobby
Finally, we ponder why we should perhaps follow the example of the dude in the hotel lobby—someone who effortlessly engages with their surroundings, embodying a sense of belonging wherever they are. This metaphor reminds us that belonging can be a state of mind cultivated through openness and acceptance, regardless of the external circumstances.
